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Be Happy Where You Are

Jamaica. We COULD NOT WAIT for our honeymoon!


When I was younger, I kept chasing something.

Grade school: As soon as I get to high school …
High school: As soon as I get my license …
College: As soon as I’m out in the real world …
Post-college: As soon as I have my own place …

If you knew me growing up, you’d think I was the most happy, spunky, spirited person. That truly is me — but deep down, there was another side. I questioned myself. I had self-doubt. I wasted time comparing myself to others and thinking that material things and life accomplishments would make me complete.

I always thought that if I could just have _______ (fill in the blank), things would be so much better. I filled that blank — literally and figuratively — with: a boyfriend, a house, a car, a job I loved, more money. I needed so many things and I wouldn’t be happy until I got it all. But, as I crossed off my list, I realized I was only temporarily happy — putting a band-aid on things. And, as one thing was accomplished, the list never got shorter. I’d want something else — because nothing could be enough.

Years of reflection
I spent years wondering why I felt so bad, why I wasn’t truly happy. I didn’t want it to be that way. Maybe it was a self-esteem thing. Maybe it was lack of life experience. Maybe it was just the true butterfly waiting to emerge from cocoon! But, instead of just accepting unhappiness, I really focused on finding ways to love myself and my life.

In grade school, I started to keep a journal. I wrote to express my sadness — to wish for what I wanted my life to look like, to try to understand things that didn’t make sense, and to try to escape the pain I felt when people treated me poorly. I kept writing up until I met my husband. I was 28.

When we met, I was happy. I had focused on myself for a good year, figuring out what I loved to do, who my true friends are, and how to best use my talents. I believe I truly loved myself first, and that’s why it worked. I told myself that I’d never compromise my true self again.

Maybe this blog is my journal now.

The real me
I guess what I really wanted from life was to be loved for the real me, to hold on to my values and be appreciated for them. My hubs lets me be the real me. I don’t hold back. I don’t have to dress a certain way or act a certain way to keep his love. Trust me, I was that way in past relationships — and it requires too much work to be something you’re not. For example, I always felt pressured to drink to fit in. To be honest, I don’t drink at all. I don’t like it, I feel sick when I do … so I don’t. (Look up Asian flush — that’s me.)

Instead, my life is rich with awesome friends, a loving husband and big family. And, I’ve realized an optimistic attitude will only bring in more positive things to my life.

For you
If you’re sad or unhappy, please realize that you’re not the only one. Even those that appear happy — and even rich with material things — have struggles and insecurities. Love who you are, don’t be so tough on yourself and remember you are on the right path.

He’s Hooked! Hubby’s First 5K


Hubs and I did a race over the weekend — the Phillies 5k at Citizen’s Bank Park. It was his first race and (obviously) our first race together. In fact, I’m pretty sure that he’s never run longer than a mile before. I’ve done quite a few and was so excited when he let me talk him into doing it. Even though it was freezing out, it was a good first race since a few of our friends did it with us and the crowd was fun and friendly.

Our strategy
Billy didn’t “train” for the run and neither did I. He did about one mile twice the week of the race; my ankle and knee have been bothering me for weeks. So, our plan was just to go slow and steady. To be honest, I got a little worried when we were just out of the lot and he asked me how long I thought we had gone. Um, maybe a quarter of a mile?

Our plan was good though. He didn’t lose gas, and neither did I. I’ve learned that lesson before — it’s so easy to just take off with the pack and sprint — but with that, if you’re not conditioned, you can exert too much energy, get exhausted and have nothing left. The group carried us and I felt like we were going at a decent pace.

Toward the end, I’d say the last ¾ of a mile, I suggested we pick up the pace. My body felt good and I had all the energy in the world. He tells me that he’s going to lose his shoe, and I’m thinking GREAT. With the end in sight, he makes me pull over to the side while he ties it up (with frozen fingers). Rookie mistake! Out of love, I do.

Then, like the scene from Stand By Me when the boys start sprinting through the junk yard, I yell – “SPRINT!!!!” If it was a straight run and I didn’t have to dodge people, I would have beat Billy.

Our times came in and he beat me by two seconds, and we were both under 35 minutes.
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No Scale, “New” Clothes

Me and Dee Dee (left) in July 2009.

Day 16 on Four Hour Body

Quick updates … and then the inspirational stuff …
1. My mood is still fantastic. Very happy.
2. I was worried that my meals would be boring or regimented, but it’s great. I like being creative with recipes and finding new things to try. Glad I didn’t have to give up cooking and experimenting in the kitchen — that’s one of my favorite things ever!
3. Trying to get hubs to eat better. Sometimes I still have to make him pasta with dinner, but I won’t even taste test the pasta to see if it’s al dente/cooked. That’s his job. Go me!
4. My will power is amazing. Tonight I picked up a pizza for hubs — as a surprise for after his class and as a treat since I’m not cooking glorious (pasta) meals anymore. I made myself two chicken burgers from Trader Joe’s. They were good! Next time, I’ll make a big portabello mushroom to go with it. I know I should have eaten some veggies, but I’ll likely eat more later.
5. I haven’t weighed myself. I probably will tomorrow. I don’t want to get too dependent on the scale. I’d like to judge how I feel instead.
6. I’ve been feeling thin!
7. My left knee and right shoulder are killing me. I was supposed to keep up my running program, but I’m going to play it smart and listen to the pain. I’m going to do my rehab exercises for both and take it easy.
8. My cheat day is Saturday, and I’ve had two so far. Both times, I’ve felt horrible — like sugar shock, carb overload. My energy was up, down and crazy. The next morning was feeling sluggish, but I was excited and ready to get back to the routine. This just reinforces me wanted to stay away from junk!
9. Ordered The Paleo Diet for Athletes: A Nutritional Formula for Peak Athletic Performance. I liked the idea of eating like the hunter gathers did. I am thinking of transitioning into this lifestyle after Four Hour Body. You can eat fruit!
10. I really have to go through my Clean Eating cookbooks.
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